Breastfeeding and Sex: Why It’s Normal to Lose Your Libido

Motherhood: the beautiful, messy, sleep-deprived rollercoaster no one can truly prepare you for. You expected diapers, late-night feeds, and maybe even a newfound love for coffee. But what about feeling like you've lost a whole part of yourself—your femininity, your spark, your libido? If you’ve ever thought, Where did the woman in me go?, Why does sex feel like an obligation now?, or Will I ever feel sexy again?, you’re not alone. Let’s unpack what’s happening and, more importantly, how to reclaim YOU.

Why Do I Feel This Way?

Hormones Are Playing Tricks on You – After giving birth, your body goes through big changes in hormones. The levels of estrogen and progesterone drop, while prolactin (the hormone that helps you produce milk) increases. This can make you feel less interested in sex, dry down there, and just generally not in the mood.

Your Body Thinks You’ve Already Got Enough Love – When you breastfeed, your body produces oxytocin, the "bonding hormone," which makes you feel a deep connection to your baby. But this means your body isn’t always craving the same kind of connection with your partner, which can affect your libido.

You're Exhausted Beyond Words – Between night feedings, diaper changes, and just keeping a tiny human alive, sleep is a long-lost friend. Who has the energy for intimacy when you’d rather be unconscious?

Too Much Touching, Not Enough Space – If one more person lays a hand on you, you might scream. When your body is in high demand 24/7, the idea of physical affection—even from your partner—can feel suffocating.

Your Breasts Are Not a Sex Zone Right Now – Breastfeeding isn’t just about nourishing your baby—it’s constant, sometimes painful, and can make your breasts feel hyper-sensitive or even off-limits. For many women, the idea of someone (even themselves) touching their breasts can be unpleasant, let alone inviting a partner into the equation. Leaking, engorgement, and soreness don’t exactly scream “sexy.”

Your Body Feels...Different – Your postpartum body is powerful, but it might not feel like yours just yet. When confidence takes a hit, desire often follows.

You’ve Been Promoted to "Mom"—But Where’s the Old You? – Becoming a mom is an identity shift. If you’ve been so consumed by motherhood that you've forgotten you’re also a woman, it's time to find her again.

How to Get Your Spark Back

Accept That This Is Normal (and Temporary) – There’s no "bouncing back" overnight. Be kind to yourself and trust that this phase won’t last forever.

Prioritize Self-Care (Yes, Even When You're Busy) – Take baby steps: a long shower, a solo coffee run, fresh clothes that aren’t covered in spit-up—small things that remind you you’re still you. Invest in sustainable maternity clothes that make you feel good and confident. A cozy nursing bra and nursing t-shirt can help you feel more comfortable and stylish while managing the demands of breastfeeding.

Reignite Emotional Connection with Your Partner – Intimacy isn’t just about sex. Laugh, cuddle, hold hands—whatever feels right. Rediscover each other beyond diapers and feeding schedules.

Carve Out Time for YOU – Motherhood doesn’t erase your other identities. Read a book, dance in your kitchen, do something that makes you feel like a person again (not just a milk machine). And don’t forget to wear a nursing top that makes you feel sexy and confident, even while nursing.

Move Your Body (No, You Don’t Have to Hit the Gym) – A quick stretch, a walk, or even a dance party in the living room can boost confidence and energy.

Talk About It – Your partner isn’t a mind reader. Be honest about your feelings, your needs, and what intimacy looks like for you right now.

Ease Back Into Intimacy (No Pressure, No Expectations) – If sex feels too daunting, start with sensual massages, or just lying close together. Baby steps count.

Seek Professional Help If Needed – If pain, dryness, or hormones are making sex a no-go, talk to a doctor. There are fixes that can make a huge difference.

 

 

Reclaiming Yourself: The Woman Behind the Mom

Motherhood transforms you, but it doesn’t erase you. You are still a woman, a partner, a sensual being. With patience, self-care, and a little effort, you can reclaim your confidence, your desire, and your sense of you. Give yourself grace, take it one step at a time, and remember: your femininity never left—it’s just waiting for you to call it back.