Postpartum Nightmares ... Where the Baby Dies

The Dreams No Mom Wants to Admit: “I Dreamed My Baby Died”
By Ieva Zarina, Founder of LULA Nursing Wear

 

When people ask why I started LULA Nursing Wear, I usually say something about making breastfeeding clothes that don’t suck. Something about comfort, confidence, and not flashing strangers at brunch. You know—practical stuff.

But today, I want to talk about something completely different.
Something raw, unsettling, and painfully real.

Postpartum nightmares.
Yep. That Dream. The One Where the Baby Dies.

When Sleep Turns Against You

With my first baby, the exhaustion hit hard.
Like, falling-asleep-standing-up hard.
I was running on cold leftovers and black coffee.

And then came the dreams.

“I kept dreaming someone was breaking into our house to steal or harm the baby. Every time I woke up, I felt like my whole body was still in fight mode. I’d check every lock on the doors, convinced someone was going to get her.”

It didn’t make sense.
But it felt real.
Like my brain was playing out the worst-case scenario just to mess with me.

And Then Dreams Get Darker

Sometimes, the dreams got worse.
I dreamed I hurt her.

“I dreamed I left my baby in the car. Hours passed. I found her lifeless, blue, and cold. I couldn’t even go to the grocery store without feeling like I’d leave her behind.”

Over time, I think dreamed of every possible way she could die.
Nothing surprised me anymore... nothing.

To be honest, these dreams made me feel ashamed.
They made me question whether I was a good person.

How could I dream this stuff?
Was I secretly awful?
Was my brain trying to tell me something?

Short answer: No.
Long answer: Still no, but with science behind it (we'll get there in a minute). 

 

The Sleep-Deprived Mind Plays Tricks

In the newborn phase, sleep becomes a distant memory—you’ve probably noticed that already, haven’t you?
You don’t get long stretches of rest; instead, you grab bits and fragments whenever you can.
And even when your body finally lets go, your brain doesn’t.

So you kind of sleep—but not really.

“I woke up convinced the baby was tangled in the blanket. Tore the bed apart. She was lying peacefully right next to me.”

Your mind doesn’t shut off just because your eyes do.
It’s still in protect-the-baby-at-all-costs mode—even while you’re asleep.

 

You Don’t Have to ‘Figure It Out’

So, before you Google “what does it mean when I dream about my baby dying” at 2 a.m.—stop.

You don’t need a dream dictionary.
You need sleep. And maybe a little reassurance. 

These dreams?
They’re not prophecies.
They’re not secret messages from your subconscious.

They’re just your brain’s desperate attempt to process a love so deep it turns into fear.

If this sounds familiar, please hear me:

You are not crazy.
These nightmares aren’t visions.
They’re symptoms. And they are so, so common!!!

What the Research Says (Science Is Cool)

A 2007 study published in Sleep found that 73% of postpartum women had dreams where their baby was in danger.

A 2023 study by ScienceDirect linked negative postpartum dreams to higher risks of anxiety and depression.

Not because something’s wrong with you—
But because your brain and body are stretched to their absolute limits.

 

Top 6 Postpartum Nightmare Categories

(Yes, we know them well.)

After talking with a lot of moms, most of our nightmares fall into one of these not-so-fun themes:

1. Baby in Danger – Falling, choking, drowning, SIDS

2. Forgetting or Abandoning – Left the baby in the car. At the store. In the oven (yes, that one happened).

3. Accidental Harm – Dropped. Rolled on. Mishandled.

4. Intentional Harm – You hurt the baby on purpose in the dream, and wake up horrified.

5. Someone Else Hurting Them – Break-ins. Grandma gives them honey. A doctor misses something.

6. Being Frozen – You see the danger. You can’t move. Can’t scream. Can’t help.

Dreams are weird.
These?
The worst kind of real-feeling weird.

 

So… Is It Normal?

YES – If:

• You have them once in a while

• You can go back to sleep

• You’re bonding with your baby

• Your mood’s mostly okay

MAYBE NOT – If:

• They happen every night

• You dread going to bed

• You feel disconnected or numb

• You’re constantly on edge

• You can’t stop dark thoughts, even when awake

If that’s you? Please—don’t power through it alone.
Talk to a doctor. A therapist. A friend. ChatGPT...Someone.
Asking for help isn’t weakness. It’s self-respect.

 

Why This Matters

We don’t talk about this stuff because it’s scary.
Because it makes you feel like the worst mom in the world.
Because we’re afraid of what people will think.

Afraid someone will question our sanity—or worse, our love.

But we need to talk about this.
Because these nightmares isolate us.
And isolation can spiral into something darker.

These aren’t just “bad dreams.”
They’re the brain trying to protect what we love most.

They are love—disguised as fear.

They’re not weird.
They’re not wrong.
They’re simply human.

 

From One Mom to Another

If you’re having these dreams: I get it.
I’ve been there—crying at 4 a.m. because my brain invented a nightmare I never asked for.

Please know:

• It’s okay to feel shaken.

• It’s okay to feel overwhelmed.

• It’s okay to feel ashamed of what your mind is showing you.

But don’t carry that shame alone.

Also—if you’re here because you’re doing the 3 a.m. feed in a stiff old tank top that you hate?
That’s why LULA Nursing Tops exist.

Not just to make your boobs easier to access.
But to make you feel human again.

You deserve softness.
You deserve comfort.
Even in the hardest, darkest parts of motherhood.

 

 

With love,
Ieva
Founder of LULA Nursing Wear